The
word to sum up 2012 is, sucks. I usually try to focus on "the good"
and "stay positive" because "everything has a reason", but this year
just sucked. I know there are plenty of people out there who would
say, "I'd love for my life to suck as bad as hers." Fine, say it, but
it still sucked. The year started off last January with the daughter of
one of Jeremy's friends being killed in a freak car accident. The year
has ended, so far, with a dear friend of ours losing her son in a freak
Christmas Eve accident. And so many tears in between for our nation.
There is a hole in our hearts that only time can heal, but we will never
be the same again.
I don't want anyone to stop reading this to go search for their
vodka. Some of the sucky things that happened to us personally could
"have a silver lining." Therefore, I'll call this, 2012 suckiness with
a, hopeful, few silver linings.
Silver Lining I
In March, while we were in Rome
for the first time ever, which was amazing and beautiful and everything
else it should be, KZ's then school sent home a note saying that she
should see a speech therapist. All along we had been told that she was
"fine". "Children develop at different rates," we were told. "Don't worry." But now, the school
felt that she should see a therapist. The therapist felt that we should
have her hearing evaluated. We went to Weill Cornell because they
"really know how to evaluate children." As I sat there, expecting to be
told that KZ was just three and acted as a three year old acts. I heard
an entirely different story. KZ was 50% deaf in each ear. She heard
as if she was underwater. I was stunned ... and angry at myself for not
catching it earlier. All the doctors told us it was not our fault, but
still, here we were. She was turning four soon and couldn't hear.
Honestly, the fact that she was doing as well as she was was pretty
amazing.
Surgery, speech therapy, a new school, tutors to try to catch her up, working with
her night and day, but at the same time trying not to turn her off and
make her hate us or learning, was our life. "This is fun, isn't it
KZ!" Instead of just letting her organically catch up, we had to work
at it desperately because she needed to take her ERBs, the LSATs of
kindergarten here in New York City ... I'm not joking. She took the
test, and scored off the charts on the non-verbal, and average on the
verbal. I was thrilled. "She's AVERAGE and hasn't even been hearing
fully for six months at the time of the test!" No, not so good in New
York City. Average doesn't make it. Now the schools may think that she
has a learning disability because the scores are so far apart. She may
need special services, which they don't
have. They would prefer not to take a chance rather than have their
rankings look bad. They don't want to take a chance on a student who
they may
"counsel out" (kick out), in a few years. Where we are at to date: KZ
has to have what is
called a neuro psych evaluation. This is done to let the schools know
that she
either is just fine, or, that she does have something and what that
something may be. If the schools think they can work with what she may
have, then
great. If not, well, then she may have to go to a school which offers
the special services. The neuro psych starts in January.
Silver Lining
-- If some special service is needed, we will find out about it now, at
four and a half years old, and we can address it. The experts feel
that she would be all caught up by second grade at the latest, and then
can join one of the schools that have empty spaces from the children who are being "counseled" out.
If she doesn't have anything wrong, great, we've proven it. I'm not
sure if I hate this city or love it. If my brother had been diagnosed
with dyslexia and ADD at four instead of in high school, he would have
had a much different educational, and maybe life, experience overall.
Many, many people in NYC have told me that their children were caught
early and have gone on to be successful adults. I know this is true.
Right now, it is just the unknowing. We applied to thirteen schools
and, if we are lucky, may get into one of them ... the one that offers
special services and is an hour one way to commute to each
morning. But hey, it's better than not having the option.
Silver Lining II
While everything was going on
with KZ's hearing, Jeremy decided that he should have his hearing
checked. I always told him, "You are either half deaf or just ignoring
me." Net/Net, 90% deaf in one ear, 10% deaf in the other. As in the Z
Bear's case, there was a surgery to fix his hearing. He only had it
done on the ear with the 90%. The worse part for him was that he had
to stay calm, not raising his blood pressure, for a solid week so not to damage the ear. Also, he
couldn't workout or run for a long time. He did his first run on Dec. 30
without having issues. The surgery was in May. The worse part for me,
his ear surgery was the day before KZ's. Of course, KZ was jumping from
the window ledge to the sofa the day after her surgery. Jeremy, not so much.
Silver Lining -- At least now I know he really is ignoring me when he doesn't respond.
Silver Lining III
In June, Kadou started
acting a little bit too lazy even for a Shih Tzu. I took him to
the vet who, who after multiple tests, diagnosed him with multiple
myeloma, giving him
approximately 18 months to live. I had a trip planned to Yosemite with
KZ and a friend from London the next day. Ten days later, while I was
in California, Kadou passed. Jeremy handled everything on his own, and
didn't even tell me until I dropped off the car at the San Francisco
airport. I cried on the flight all the way home. KZ was a sweetheart.
She said, "I'm sad, but I'm really sad for Jake. They were best
friends, who would Jake play with?" My little one just turned four
years old, could just hear, and insisted that we find Jake a friend at a
shelter. We found Kaycee (who was already named), an eleven and a half year old female Shih
Tzu, who fit perfectly into our family. We were told that the owner
moved and couldn't take her. Not that many people are willing to adopt
an older dog, but she was a perfect fit for our family. Our vet thinks
that the previous
owner "moved" to an assisted living home. Kaycee was too well
taken care of to
have been dumped for a better apartment, so to speak. No one can
replace Kadou, but Jake now has a new best friend.
Silvery Linings
-- 1) Kadou did not suffer. 2) We saved two dogs, Kaycee and Jake. I
don't know if Jake would have made it without a friend. 3) KZ showed
how empathic she was. 4) We did not get the Hantavirues in Yosemite,
which hit exactly when we were there!
Silver Lining IV
As
some of you know, I've not updated my blog lately. I didn't post
during Hurricane Sandy. Not because nothing happened, but because so
much was happening I just didn't have the time. I didn't post about the
Massacre at Sandy Hook, because it was too close to home. We didn't
know the victims, but have friends who did know the victims personally.
I must say, I wasn't the best support. I just cried way too much as
they told their stories. I haven't posted about the school process for
KZ, because I really do want her to get into a school. But I have been
writing, and writing a lot. I'm going to have a lot of material to post
once KZ gets into a school.
Silver Lining -- I just may
have enough material to write the "Devil Wears Prada" (movie, not book
version) of the kindergarten process here in New York City.
I don't want to sound ungrateful for the many good things that
did happen this year. One thing being that Jeremy is cancer free and doing great. Another being that we did get KZ a piano and she took
to it like a duck to water. She takes lessons twice a week, for an
hour at a time, and pays attention. She even practices! She had her
first recital and nailed it. I'm not worried that there is something
wrong with her. She's great, loving, and can speak her mine. Our job
as parents is to make sure she is the best KZ she can be. We take our work seriously.
We have wonderful family and friends whom have supported us and us
them. Thank you all for being there. May 2013 be a much better year
for all of us, even if your 2012 was great.
Love, good health, and peace to you all,
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