It ha been a while since I've posted anything mainly due to the fact that I've been concentrating on a piece I plan to submit for a contest. I've been working on this piece for a while now, rewriting it a number of times, reading it aloud, rewriting, etc. I used three other pieces I've written as a base for this work and added to them. I'm not thinking I'll win, but I certainly want to put my best foot forward. But hey, if I do win, that would be wonderful! It is my first step towards sending work out for publication. I've been encouraged by so many people, but that fear of failure thing hamstrings me.
Jeremy cannot understand how I have a fear of failure.
"Everything you've ever done you've been successful," he's said many times.
"Thank you, I do appreciate the encouragement."
But since he can't read my mind, he isn't aware of the things I've dreamed of doing but stopped short because of the failure clause. That doesn't mean that I didn't come back years later and kick butt in that same area. An example, when I was in junior high in the 1970's, long before the "every kid can participate on the team" mentality, I tried out for the track team. I thought I was fast, but when I got to the tryouts, I was just fat and slow in comparison. I remember those hot, late August afternoons. I would be sweating my butt off gasping hot, humid air only to be told by the coaches that I didn't even come in fast enough for them to record my time. How was I suppose to improve if I didn't even know what my time was? This was long before I knew the mantra, "You cannot improve what you cannot measure", but I knew it in my DNA. Many years later, when I was 19 years-old, I met a man in my office who was 45 years-old and running marathons. Well if someone THAT old could run a marathon, then I certainly could at 19! (Note: I am now 45 years-old and isn't old.) I went to the indoor track at my Chicago Health Club hoping to do a 5K, which is 3.1 miles. That was the shortest race I'd heard of so why not try that distance. I wore a heavy grey pair of sweat pants, a grey Illinois Institute of Technology t-shirt, and my normal beat up sneakers. I made it around the track ... once. As in most health clubs there were mirrors everywhere. My face was beat red, my legs were itching, and I was gasping for air. I felt as if I were back in junior high, but I wasn't in competition with anyone. Thankfully, there was a water fountain that I could use as an excuse for stopping. Just about that time Laurie, a woman I worked with who ran marathons -- and smoked -- came galloping by.
"Oh, I see you started running," Laurie said.
"Yes, I went once around. How many laps to a mile?" I said, hoping it was one.
"This is a small track. It is eleven times around for a mile. Got to go!" and she was off.
Eleven times! I had completed one thirty-third of what I came out to do and I was dying. Before I even left the water fountain, Laurie was back.
"You know, you can run walk, you don't have to just run. Run a lap, walk a lap. You'll get there."
She was my life saver. I walked ran until I made it a mile. My lunch over was over at that point. I had to get cleaned up and back to the office ... where Laurie was already eating her salad at her desk after five miles.
That run, with Laurie's help, and the 45 year-OLD man as inspiration, I continued. It took me forever to reach my 5K mark. I was so proud when I did. I remember boasting to people how I had ran three point one whole miles, and later finding out that these people were marathoners. I didn't run my first marathon until nine years after I started running. It was 1994, the year Forrest Gump came out. I used the quotes to keep me going. Thirty marathons later, I'm still running, and I bet most of those kids who beat me for track tryouts are not. I'm not saying it has been easy, or fun at times, but it has taken me on a journey of a lifetime. I've ran in Africa, Europe, and all over North America. I've been in great shape which has allowed me to hike ranges I could only read about as a kid. As Forrest Gump said, "It use to be I ran to get where I was going. I never thought it would take me anywhere." But as in Forrest's case, it certainly has.
By starting my blog and submitting my work, I feel like I'm back at the Chicago Health Club, trying to complete that first time. But I know from my running experience that my writing will take me on an amazing journey.
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